Renee Zellweger? Is that You?

Before the Abduction/After the Abduction

We all know her from the critically acclaimed role in Bridget Jones's Diary. She truly is an inspiration to all and some might even say she is "the voice of our generation". Her name is Renee Zellweger, hear her roar! In lieu of recent events, the media has accused her of partaking in plastic surgical procedures. We all bought into the media ploy, the ploy to cover up the real truth, Renee Zellweger has in fact been abducted by extra-terrestrial lifeforms.

 "On August 15th 2014 Ms. Zellweger was approached by a man in a blue suit who sweet talked her to go home with him", says Robert E.Lipshitz, Producer of the award winning documentary "Space Is The Place Where They Change Your Face". Lipshitz later went on to say, "Zellweger was just looking for a good time. She thought she was going to his apartment to have "coffee"." This brings up millions of questions. What did they do to Ms. Zellweger's face? Is she one of the space people now? Did Zellweger ever get her "coffee"? We don't know. We don't know shit actually, but we know one thing, our beautiful and talented Renee Zellweger is changed for ever. 

                                                                      

                                                                         

Nigeria not happy with Ebola, not happy with Coca Cola

What you trade for gold, weapons and most things 3rd world.

Just as I'm used to writing half-empty jokes, now Nigeria is used to having half-empty cans of Sprite. We want our sugar based drinks, real bad. The Federal Government of Nigeria wants to take the battle to the streets, kind of like Ebola, and is now suing the Coca-Cola Company and the Nigerian bottling company. Two companies that have kept this country afloat with its liquid currency have been accused of “deliberately failing, refusing and/or neglecting to comply” in regards to the Consumer Protection Act. I tip my hat to you Nigeria welcome to the 21st century and the modern world where we focus on what's important in everybody's lives.


Nigeria now being free of the Ebola virus, might be rid of the Coca-Cola Virus. Good luck.


http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/ebola/20-october-2014/en/

http://rt.com/news/199931-nigeria-coca-cola-cans/

Ebola. Will We Survive?

What is Ebola? Ebola soup? Is it chicken noodle? Lentil? It's nothing of sorts. Ebola is a deadly disease that is wiping out nations whole. Two days ago, Turkey surrendered to Mother Nature's final goodbye party. We interviewed one Turkish man, Dugyu Ahmet. He compared the outbreak to someone over cooking his döner kabab. "I can't believe Ebola has taken my dog from me, I was going to trade him for two goats", said the young Ahmet. Such a poor, poor tragedy for Turkey indeed. 

"Ebola is nothing shy of serious. "We only have a year at max before it destroys the world in it's entirety", scientist Tony Crow claims.


3 things we know about Ebola

1) It's not a soup

2) We only have a year to live, so do whatever it is that you've always wanted to do. (Quit your job, learn Turkish, sky dive without a parachute, etc. The possibilities are endless.)

3) A dog in Turkey is worth two goats.


In conclusion, Ebola is not a laughing matter. This is something that needs to be taken seriously. So please take the proper precautions we listed above (it's there look) and everything will be fine.

The New News news

Get all your information and facts, today's news yesterday. A place where you can sit back and relax and be well mis-informed of current and ideological mis-happenings in your local area. We have service centers at the end of every street, by all means drop in and tell us what is up, or what is down, because we want to know and we want others to know.

So know no, no more. A Promise from us, here at Trust Me Okay News to center street.