Renee Zellweger? Is that You?

Before the Abduction/After the Abduction

We all know her from the critically acclaimed role in Bridget Jones's Diary. She truly is an inspiration to all and some might even say she is "the voice of our generation". Her name is Renee Zellweger, hear her roar! In lieu of recent events, the media has accused her of partaking in plastic surgical procedures. We all bought into the media ploy, the ploy to cover up the real truth, Renee Zellweger has in fact been abducted by extra-terrestrial lifeforms.

 "On August 15th 2014 Ms. Zellweger was approached by a man in a blue suit who sweet talked her to go home with him", says Robert E.Lipshitz, Producer of the award winning documentary "Space Is The Place Where They Change Your Face". Lipshitz later went on to say, "Zellweger was just looking for a good time. She thought she was going to his apartment to have "coffee"." This brings up millions of questions. What did they do to Ms. Zellweger's face? Is she one of the space people now? Did Zellweger ever get her "coffee"? We don't know. We don't know shit actually, but we know one thing, our beautiful and talented Renee Zellweger is changed for ever.